It’s finally starting to feel like fall outside, which makes me happy! Yesterday was a beautiful day outside, and a very thoughtful day in my head…very full of thoughts. You know those kinds that won’t relent until they’re faced head on? Yeah, a thought-filled day, indeed.

The Lord’s been dealing with me lately, most recently on pride issues. This week’s small group lesson was on mercy (and pride definitely gets in the way of being merciful). It was too timely to have been coincidental – I could only laugh in small group because I knew my Lord was speaking directly to me. Challenging me to grow with Him – I am so grateful He doesn’t leave me to myself, but rather draws me to Himself and works in me to make me more like Him. So here are some of the lessons in pride that my Lord had been teaching me this week:

Doing seems to build an ego, while love builds a bridge to others. My pride wants to demand that I am right and the other was wrong – and even if that happens to be mostly true, it’s my pride that wants to keep me blinded to the ways that I am wrong and the things that I could have done better. Pride then keeps me from seeing the value of the person by using my pain and sense of being wronged to block my view. And without seeing a person for who they are and valuing them, well, compassion and mercy seem to fly right out the window. Pride keeps me focused on myself, mercy cares about the other person. (easier typed than lived out, I know)

And then a friend of my family passed away, suddenly. She was a happy, young, active wife and mother (of 5 precious girls). It doesn’t make sense - my heart and prayers go out to her family. I can’t comprehend what they are going through right now… for me it has been a catalyst for a lot of thought. It has made me rethink the preciousness of life. It is so incredibly easy to get caught up in life and forget how quickly life can slip away. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rat-race of society, always trying to keep up or get ahead, and the “stuff” and entertainment can be so distracting that we miss the relationships and the loving God and loving people part. But Jesus said to seek first His Kingdom (where He said that the most important thing was to love the Lord God – with everything – and to love my neighbor – like I love myself)…I still find myself coming back to the fact that my Lord cares more about my character than my comfort – because what I do flows out of who I am. The doing is more tangible, and the focus of society it feels like these days; therefore, unfortunately, it often outweighs the being – and the being with. 

With all this thinking, I realized that life’s too short for pride – too short for holding grudges when I should be holding out Christ’s love for hurting hearts. It’s too short for seeing flaws when I should be looking for reflections of my Lord. It’s too short for pointing out short-comings when I should be celebrating victories. Life’s too short not to just sit and be when someone needs a friend. It’s too short to get caught up in my seeming lack and miss a chance to get caught up in another’s gain. Life’s too short to let my pride keep me from being the first to apologize, or to let a day go by without telling the people I care about how much they mean. It’s too short to always think of me when there’s so much hidden beauty in others to see. 

Good books and contemplation…Rainy Saturday mornings are good for that. Ah, books that inspire because the story told is one of a person truly striving to live for the Lord. Not just in word, but in every area of life. The dream of missions stirred, reawakening with a sense of being so ready to go, yet knowing the answer is “not just yet”. Found this quote in my book this morning, and found it very refreshing and reality giving:

“She [Amy Carmichael] was finding at firsthand that missionaries are not set apart from the rest of the human race, not purer, nobler, higher. ‘Wings are an illusive fallacy,’ she wrote. ‘Some may possess them, but they are not very visible, and as for me, there isn’t the least sign of a feather. Don’t imagine that by crossing the sea and landing on a foreign shore and learning a foreign lingo you ‘burst the bonds of outer sin and hatch yourself a cherubim.’”

The stilling, the reminder that there’s so much more to learn here before I go…to do here before I venture off – because if I’m not (whatever it is) here, there’s no reason to think that I’ll suddenly become that overseas. And if I’m not willing to do (whatever I’m called to do) here, who am I to think I’ll be that different after a plane ride.

Longing for character, for disciplines and fruit that often seems so elusive, yet learning. Learning that the character, the fruit is not the thing to be desired or sought after, but rather the One from whom these things flow. If joy is all you seek, I imagine happiness may be all you find. For joy was not meant to be sought as an end in itself, but is rather an overflow when relationship with the Father is found. Unfortunately, far too often, His hand is what is sought – not the reality of Who He is.

Jesus keeps bringing me back to the fact that it’s really all about seeking and knowing Him. “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” (John 17:3) Then everything else flows out of that. I don’t conjure up love for Him by doing stuff for Him; I do stuff for Him because it flows out of loving Him for who He is and what He’s done for me – namely saving me through His blood, shed on the cross, that I may walk in right relationship with the Father through Him.

Preachy.

Maybe.

But I went to this conference last year – called the Think conference – and one of the point that really stuck out for me was that the gospel isn’t JUST for salvation, but for everyday life for the believer. Jesus is the gospel and we should keep that in the forefront of our minds. Nothing is done apart from Him, and there isn’t any area of our lives that His blood doesn’t touch. Yet so often I’ve found myself compartmentalizing the gospel to what you tell people when telling them about Christ, rather than the foundation of what I come back to with every area of my life. I don’t know what I was thinking, but God is so gracious to keep teaching.

“All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.” (Colossians 1:16-17)

Process. Something ingrained in me wants to run when I hear the word. I don’t even know why.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

Maybe it’s a personality thing.

Maybe I’m just lazy.

“Rome wasn’t built in a day” – but I wish it was!

I don’t like it, whatever it is. I find I’m more of the let’s just get started and be finished kind of a person. I love starting projects, and I love finishing projects. It’s the middle part that gets to me. It’s the tedious and meticulous and repetitive and the constantness of process that get to me. I really like starting because it’s new, it feels adventurous! And I like finishing because often one has something to show for what’s been done, there’s a finished product (normally)! But the middle…my a.d.d. or something kicks in. I somehow get easily distracted and before I know it I should be working on about 6-8 different projects because I got stuck on all of them when they weren’t so new and began requiring more process than anything.

Sounds like a character flaw to me…I know. Feel free to tell me, but I already got that far. Admitting’s the first step, right?

The problem with that is that if you never take the second step, you really aren’t going anywhere and now you’re stuck in this awkward mid-stride position – knowing what you should be doing and not doing it anyways. Seems like one would be better off just standing if there’s no intention of walking…and thus enters the problem.

Walking’s a process too.

A process which builds – walking which leads to running which leads to persevering which leads to finishing which leads to seeing Jesus face to face. (don’t worry, I know building’s a process too!)

So maybe endurance has as much to do with the worth of the end goal than in the stamina of the person. I find more drive in finishing when the purpose is greater, or the more loved the recipient of the end goal.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Romans 5:3-4

And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

2 Peter 1:5-7

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.

James 1:2-3

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Those sound like process to me!

But Hebrews offers some hope – it’s not about my work, but about Christ’s work and His working in me.

The greatest part to me though, is the reward: Jesus. See, the thing I’ve come to realize more concretely than ever in the days of my lack of writing, is the pricelessness of Christ in my life. The parable of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl have come to life like I didn’t understand them before.

FYI – thus enters my hidden love and appreciation for process…

Matthew 13:44-46

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

    “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."

Somehow I seemed to just skim over those verses growing up. I knew them, but I didn’t understand them. Then something shifted. Actually, Jesus shifted something. My heart began to understand things that I merely knew as part of the Bible before. The reality of things that I don’t even really know how to explain began to make sense ( the rest of this paragraph may not make sense unless you know what I’m talking about). But that realization that you’ve gone too far and there’s no going back, but not that you would even if you could…and the place you find yourself isn’t the place you want to be but it’s better than the place you’ve been and the reality is that it’s not where you’re going to stay. It’s that middle ground where you suddenly realized that, you guessed it, you’re in the middle of a process – but it’s one of the sweetest, hardest, uncomfortable, comforting places you could be. Or, at least that’s how it was for me. Is, actually. I’m still here, in the middle of the process.

Just thought I’d share some of the journey.